Literary Lagniappe

Bloopers, bonus features, and behind the scenes views from all your favorite romances

Confessions of a Mall Santa by Jessica Subject

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Hello out there! I’m Andy. My author, Jessica E. Subject asked me to come here today to talk about being a mall Santa. Let me start off by saying this is not my ideal job. I didn’t dream about being a mall Santa as a kid. I’m actually an actor, but I don’t seem to be getting any high-paying gigs. Being a dead body doesn’t pay that well. So, I took this job to earn some extra money before the holidays.

And being a mall Santa is not all it’s cracked up to be. It’s winter, which means cooler temps in this part of the country. That also means kids coughing, sneezing and wiping their runny noses on me. My costume is a veritable germ factory by the end of the day. I always carry Lysol with me, wipes, spray, everything I can get. I also use a lot of body powder to absorb the sweat, and suck on breath mints all day. But that’s not the worst.

Do screaming, crying kids give you a headache? Yeah, me, too. Imagine eight hours of that? And please, change your kid’s diaper before sitting them on Santa’s knee. I have wound up with several wet and dirty knees, only upsetting the kids next in line.

Of course, there are always the kids who sit on your knee and say, “I know you’re not Santa” only to cause heartbreak to the other kids standing in the lineup. Then, with their sad faces, they turn to their mothers and fathers to ask if the other kid is telling the truth.

Then, there’s pet day, a surefire way to get licked, humped and peed on. Thank goodness it’s only for a couple of hours. I’ll gladly take screaming kids after that.

As for what kids ask for, there are those who have a mile long list of toys, those that ask for one gift for them and someone else, and sometimes the kid who doesn’t ask for anything. They just sit and stare. Every once in a while, a child comes along and asks for something that absolutely breaks my heart, like when they ask for their parent to come back, whether they left the family or passed away. Sometimes a child even asks for selfless things like world peace or to find a cure for cancer.

All in all, the job is worth it for the many kids that I am able to make smile. I don’t promise them anything, but I do listen. And for the not-so-good moments, I am thankful for the excuse that I have to leave for a few moments to feed my reindeer.

And then there was the day Claire sat on my knee…

Giveaway!!

Leave a comment telling one of your memories of Santa. One randomly selected winner will receive Hey, Santa in ebook format plus book swag. No purchase necessary. Contest is international. Must be 18 or older to enter. Good luck! Contest ends 10/3 at 11:59PM EDT.

JES_Hey_santa_453x680

Hey, Santa

An Alien for the Holidays story

By Jessica E. Subject

Erotic Sci-Fi Romance

ISBN: 978-0991932016

 

She doesn’t want a lot for Christmas…

Claire Otton dreads spending another holiday alone. When her best friend convinces her to approach the sexy mall Santa, she takes the chance and asks him out, hoping for so much more.

He’s waiting under the mistletoe…

Although Andreas Castellanos blends in on Earth, he knows he will never belong. But when the gorgeous woman he’d been staring at invites him to dinner, he has a hard time saying no.

All they’re asking for…

Can these two lonely souls find magic together or will their secrets steal their chance of a happy Christmas?

Available From:

Amazon US | Canada | UK | more

Excerpt:

“You can’t be serious.” Claire mustered the dirtiest look possible for her best friend.

Tiffany held out her hands and air-squeezed the man’s firm rear end from a distance. “C’mon. Look at that ass.”

“Yes, but a Santa Claus? How do I know what he looks like under that suit and beard?” Imagining removing the white hair to find a wrinkled old man, she shuddered.

“Only one way to find out.” Smacking Claire’s butt, Tiffany urged her forward. “Go ask him.”

She planted her feet. Thank goodness she hadn’t worn heels for their marathon shopping trip two days before Christmas. “If you’re so interested, why don’t you?”

Tiffany rolled her eyes, sighing. “Because I’m engaged to be married to the love of my life. You’re the Grinch who needs to get laid.”

“I’m not a Grinch,” she snapped. Breathing deeply, she counted backwards from ten. “I’m sorry. This is a very stressful time of year for me.”

“I know.” Tiffany cupped her elbow. “I just want to see you happy at Christmas again. It doesn’t have to be a miserable holiday anymore. That’s part of the reason I dragged you with me today.”

She swallowed the lump in her throat, tears welling already. Please don’t let me turn into a blubbering mess in the middle of the mall. While she appreciated her friend’s concern, she coped better on her own. “I…I should go home. I can’t pretend it didn’t happen.”

Bio:

Jessica Subject is the author of contemporary and science fiction romance, ranging from sweet to erotica. In her stories, you could meet clones, or a sexy alien or two. You may even be transported to another planet for a romantic rendezvous.

When Jessica isn’t reading, writing, or doing dreaded housework, she likes to get out and walk. Fast. But she just may slow down if there is a waterfall nearby.

Jessica lives in Ontario, Canada with her husband and two energetic children. And she loves to hear from her readers. You can find her at jessicasubject.com and on twitter @jsubject.

Website/Blog | NewsletterTwitter | Facebook | Pinterest | Goodreads | Amazon | Authorgraph

 

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Author: emilycale

Erotic romance writer. Runs on caffeine and wine. Don't feed after midnight.

16 thoughts on “Confessions of a Mall Santa by Jessica Subject

  1. Thank you so much for having me! 🙂

  2. Jessica – great excerpt! LL – thanks for letting us know about this new release! You asked about memories of Santa… the year my Grampa died, all the family “did” Christmas at my Gram’s house. I was the youngest of the grandkids so my (much) older cousins put some sugar water on my cheek, and when I woke up, told me that Rudolph had come inside & licked my face so that I wouldn’t be sad without Grampa. I’ll never forget their kindness, sensitivity & creativity in doing that! (Okay, so it wasn’t quite Santa, but it’s my favorite “associated with Santa” memory!)

  3. My favorite memory of santa was a friend of the family dressing up as santa and delivering us our christmas presents . I grew up in the city in an apartment so we didn,t have a chimney for him to come down.

    • Hi Georgiann! We never had a chimney, either, but somehow Santa always found a way. Never questioned that as a child. LOL

  4. I do love Christmas stories! Thanks so much for hanging out with us today, Jess!

    • Christmas stories are so much fun! So are the naughtly Christmas pics you post on your blog, Lisa. 😉 Thank you again for having me!

  5. My fave Santa memory is of my uncle dressing up as Santa. Even today as an adult I still cherish what he did for us and how he put a smile on all of our faces. I always look forward to reading Christmas stories. Thanks for the chance. 🙂
    My email addy is: MichelleKafka@gmail.com

    • I think it’s really sweet when relatives dress up as Santa for the kids. Thanks for visiting, Michelle! 🙂

  6. I remember crying and crying everytime I visited Santa!

    • Oh no! I remember my brother crying because Santa scared him. My son is the same way. Gives Santa a wide berth. LOL Glad you stopped by, Cherie! 🙂

  7. We never really did the whole Santa thing, but last year I got to watch my father-in-law dress as Santa at a pet supply store to raise money for the Humane Society. That was so much fun, and he’s such a good sport.

    Even though we weren’t big into Santa, I’m still a big sap for Christmas stories in all their wonderful variations. Thanks for sharing with us! It was fun hearing from your Mall Santa. 🙂

    • Oh, that would definitely be interesting, Carolyn! And definitely for a good cause. 🙂

      I do love Christmas stories, too. They give me warm fuzzies. LOL Thank you for visiting!

  8. Never did the Santa thing. Love the Christmas movies. Watching some of them every year is a favorite memory

    • I do love Christmas movies, too. When I was a kid, I used to always watch Santa Claus The Movie with Dudley Moore. There’s a few more out now that we watch. Thank you for stopping by, Lisa! 🙂

  9. Every time I saw Santa, he gave me money 🙂 aha.

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